A brief look at the myriad of offices occupied by felines throughout history.

Spy

What cat would not be a perfect spy? Unfortunately, one that the CIA chose to launch its experimental feline spying program, codenamed: Acoustic Kitty. According to a 1967 memo recovered from the agency, the researchers sewed audio recording equipment into some good cats, then trained them to move short distances in strategic spying locations around Washington, DC. The first hairy surveillance drone was deployed in a park to spy on the Soviets. Diplomats, Unfortunately, in a matter of minutes, he was hit by a taxi and killed. The CIA resolved that “in a real foreign situation … it would not be practical.” The project landed in the sandbox. Or maybe that’s what they want us to think. This is how it decodes your cat’s behavior.

Postman

Forget Amazon drones: the future of package delivery is Carrier Cats! That’s what the Belgian Society for the Lifting of the Domestic Cat thought at the end of the 19th century: even “an average skill cat” could be drawn twenty miles to the countryside or a neighboring city, telling him to “panic” and eventually Find your own path. home. Thus, the Society devised a kitty delivery service, with messages placed in waterproof bags around the neck of 37 cats. Unless, of course, that “the criminal class of dogs [promised] to divert and steal the mail cats,” as an article in the 1876 Times feared. In the end, it wasn’t the dogs or curiosity that killed the mail; Transporting and organizing creatures simply wasn’t worth the time or scratch marks. Your cats purr for a different reason than you think. It’s not always like that because they are happy to see you.

Police officer

More recently: Lemon was only two weeks old when he stumbled into the streets of Kyoto and entered the warm lobby of Yoro Station. The assistant police officers immediately welcomed lemon as one of their own; Now, fully grown-up and filling his own pair of custom blue uniforms, Lemon can be proud to call himself Japan’s first police cat. He works mainly at a desk job (translation: he sits at the desks of other police officers), but on a good day, you may see him accompanied by other officers to reassure children and the elderly. That’s why cats knead.

Mayor

“An Alaskan cat managed to scratch to the top of its city’s policy,” we report here. “For 16 years, Stubbs, an orange Manx, has served as honorary mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska. According to the locals, the 900 residents of the city chose Stubbs as a written candidate after rejecting human contenders. The residents of Talkeetna say that Stubbs is the best mayor in the history of the city and praise their laissez-faire business practices. ”

Chief Mouser to the Prime Minister of the U.K.

The Prime Minister’s office at 10 Downing Street has employed a cat as official government Mouser since the reign of Henry VIII, but Humphrey Appleby (1988-1997), rescued as a one-year-old stray, spent a storied decade mousing for Margaret Thatcher, John Major, and Tony Blair. Not immune to scandal, in 1994 he was accused of killing four robin chicks (but was later exonerated). In June 1995, Humphrey went missing for three months and was assumed dead. When he was finally discovered at a nearby hospital in September, Humphrey was so thrilled to get back to work he released a statement to the public. “I have had a wonderful holiday at the Royal Army Medical College,” Humphrey dictated to a civil servant, “but it is nice to be back and I am looking forward to the new parliamentary session.”

Multimedia Superstar

Following in the footsteps of Justin Bieber, Tardar “Grumpy Cat” Sauce started her meteoric rise to fame with a single post. When this sourpuss—who suffers from feline dwarfism, face affixed in a permanent scowl—first appeared on Reddit in September 2012, a meme was born. Barely one year later “Grumpy Cat” made countless TV appearances, appeared on the covers of New York Magazine and the Wall Street Journal, became the subject of a best-selling book, and scored a deal for a “Garfield-like feature film” with Broken Road Productions. Who’s frowning now? (See also: Lil’ Bub and Maru, each cat boasting millions of YouTube views.) Here is what the day in the life of a crazy cat person is like.

God

When they did not eat vermin or fight poisonous snakes, cats in ancient Egypt enjoyed an enchanted life and a future life. According to the Greek historian Herodotus, men would sacrifice their own bodies during the fires to keep the cats protected from the flames, and the death of a cat would be mourned by his family as if a human relative had passed. Even the honor of mummification extended to cats, and worship services arose around him because of his resemblance to the feline-faced fertility goddess, Bast. Officially, those were banned by imperial decree in 390 AD, but even as the cult of cats declined, their presence as domestic pets and pest control remains strong in modern Egypt. Apparently, being able to kill a rat with its face is very, very long.

Read also: 11 Things You Do That Your Cat Actually Hates